Hm.. where to start? I guess i can give you guys a follow up on last night's events. Well now my father is all moody and quiet. Last time he acted like this he called me different names, and told my mom that he sees no future for them. Ugh, wow. So yeah, if that happens again over stupid shit like this then um.. soft much? I don't know. I really don't get what my parents want from me? Apologize for something that i believe is total bullshit.. Not even "Bullshit is for the birds. You ain't nothing but a vulture" how much i wish i could tell him that.. well that or "fuck up." ha ! I guess i should've seen this coming. He was the same way with my elder sister and now it's me. Why.. i guess because we're getting older and we realize that he's full of well.. you can fill in that blank. Is it normal to dread coming home every night because you hate the negative atmosphere.. omfg ! today i found a white hair (well it was actually silver grey which must mean my hair is healthy :p) but damn, i flipped out. I'm 17.. i shouldn't be finding white/silver hairs. Not yet at least.. i'm still young. Clearly the stress from my home is taking a tole on my body; i haven't found myself to be so hungry, i don't sleep well here.. my new bed = the school bus seat. Great way to be leaving isn't it?
Maybe i'm being a drama queen.. maybe since i've known better than this, it seems to be a lot for me. But compared to someone who has seen worse than i have is probably thinking "soft tinnggss".. Probably, but even my baby thought i was boosting about my home life. However when he was on the line yesterday, he realized that i wasn't boosting at all...
Speaking of my baby, i know he'll be reading this. But i won't filter anything.. especially what i'm about to say. Let's see; how can i say this without really saying much?
...
alright well a couple weeks ago.. i believe two, my boyfriend lost complete attraction to me.. And five (i think) girls attracted him so much he flirted with them in front of me.. correction, flirts with them in front of me. One of the girls he got attracted to is his ex... hm. First he tells me that it was just a phase. Which i believe, don't get me wrong. But that day, i feel like he did things to me not just to make me happy but also to make himself believe that it was just a phase.. because let's be honest; that day i looked like the biggest ragamuffin out there. Board shorts, flat ass, white v-neck tee, converse and puffy hair (thanks humidity). So obviously i didn't fully believe it. Do i still do? um, i do believe him.. but i also believe that he's still attracted to all those other girls.. one to be more specific. Then he tells me that he's been talking a lot to his ex. Alright, well they had a relationship for three years so it's understandable. Only thing is.. the reason why they started talking frequently again.. (his lost of attraction to me.. which lead him straight to her) Like now i constantly see her name pop up on his damn iPhone. He thinks i'm being a drama queen.. i probably am but still. At times i get no answer to texts i send him. He just reads them and closes his phone (maybe he does answer and i jsut don't get it.. i doubt it though). But when she sends him one.. he opens it right away and responds as quickly as possible. I know i'm probably thinking way to much into this, or may seem as though i don't trust him which is not the case. I do, it just makes me extremely uncomfortable. He cares for her. He loves her. He'll always be there for her.. whatever. no matter how i feel about it, they'll still talk if not less than more. He'll probably lose his attraction to me once again and this time have her by his side..
i just don't care anymore. Not about my home life nor really about my boyfriend talking to his ex and flirting with other girls right infront of me (kind of disrespectful dont you think?).. i have to prepare to fail a math test.
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