life altering

Getting pregnant at the age of seventeen is completely life altering. Having to; one, constantly wonder if you are or aren't pregnant. What if you don't have the money to pay for tests? What if you don't have the money and can't turn to your parents nor your significant other because one will kick you out of the house and you fear that the other will leave you. Two, you find out your pregnant, now what; adoption, abortion or keep it? Many different things to choose from. Some frown upon abortion but really it's your decision.. it's not like it's an actual humain being just yet.. no it's a fetus, it can't feel, can't hear, can't necessarily move, can't really do anything. If you feel as though you aren't mentally and physically able to handle carry a baby in your stomach for 41 weeks, then maybe you should get an abortion. Sure people may judge you or something but who .. pardon my french.. gives a fuck. It's your life, not theirs. Now for adoption, great thing don't get me wrong. If i couldn't have children or later in life didn't want children i would most definitely adopt. But at the age of seventeen, do you really want to go through the pain and heartache of caring a humain being inside of you for 41 weeks, giving birth to it and then having to give it away. It may sound easy but I've heard it is the hardest thing to do; during those 41 weeks a bond is greated between mother and child, a bond that can never be replaced. And in that moment where after you push the child out of you, after you want it to be over with, after all the nasty vagina gunk has been removed from the infant, and is handed to you; you most likely never want to let go. Even if you are the biggest bitch out there, i am one hundred precent sure that no mother could hold their new baby born without feeling an eternel love. And that eternal love is what pushes you to give the baby for adoption. It may take time, i guess that's why they give you 36 hours (i believe) before making your final decision. Making sure your new born has the best life they could possibly ask for is what pushes you to give him up to a family you KNOW can make all his dreams come true and who can take better care of them more than you could ever do. And for keeping it.. well, if you're up to keeping it and know it's what's right then go for it. It's just sometimes people have children for the wrong reasons and end up keeping them as a mier accessory (or dump the burden of having a new born onto their mother when they go out and have the time of their life). but if you keep a baby, can you still continue with your education. Or do you think you'd have to put that on hold for a while..? Not saying it's a bad thing to stop and go back, but having a baby at such a young ages not only takes away many opportunity and closes doors but it can also send you spinning down-wards...
So why all this baby talk you wonder? Well for the longest time i thought that i could be pregnant. My boyfriend and i once had unpretected sex. Not the smartest idea because well now, i wonder if i'm pregnant and i have to reassure him that i am not. At first i didn't think i was, but then i kind of felt my body changing. I gained more weight, my fingers got bigger (heard that could happen on 'Friends'), my boyfriend says my butt has gotten bigger, my boobs are bigger, i'm constantly peeing, always hungry. But then i got to thinking.. my fingers actually aren't that big, i'm only seventeen so of course my body is still going through some changes; boobs and ass grow (good thing..) .. but then there was that thought of histarical pregnancy (yes, i learnt that from Glee) i think about something so much and all the body changes that they actually come true. One day, I thought to myself what if i am pregnant. what would i do? And i came up with this conclusion; i'd tell my boyfriend (obviously) and then tell him i'm getting an abortion. I know, it's risking a lot.. especially with my condition, what if this is the only time i can get pregnant.. i thought of that; we will find an other way of having children. We are sixteen and seventeen.. we aren't ready to have a child nor would we be strong enough to give it up for adoption (knowing him, he'd be the softest one out of both of us :p). I know this is selfish, but i'm not ready to throw my life away at the age of seventeen, nor do i want my boyfriend to think he HAS to do things now because he's my baby daddy which well.. is similar to throwing ones life away. I know having a child is like throwing your life away, but it gives you an entirely new one.. which is magnificant.. but i'm not ready for that. Which is why i'd get an abortion IF i was pregnant and i was this young... not economically stable, not knowing where i'm going in life and just not ready.
good thing is.. I'm not pregnant, I got my period today :) thing is.. i think my mom may think i am since i'm constantly peeing, but i think that's due to some kind of bladder infection.